The Lord himself goes before you and will be you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; don’t be discouraged.
-Deuteronomy 31:8
During my 1st – 4th grade years, I was very different and experienced verbal bullying. I endured a lot of name calling, teasing, and verbal abuse. The kids who bullied me were the popular kids, and they always tried to tear me down by belittling me about my beauty, my intelligence, and my talents. I would often come home and tell my parents, “I just don’t want to be on this earth,” and my mom would tell me not to say those words. I never told my family why I felt this way. At that time, I did not really understand it was bullying or that it was a serious issue. I could not let my family and friends know about it. A few of my friends at school saw what was going on, but no one said anything about it because I tried not to show how it was affecting me. Even though my parents raised me to be a confident person, the experience was not a feeling of being confident or happy. I just felt rejected and alone.
As time passed, it was difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror, because I did not feel pretty or beautiful. I thought more and more about not wanting to be on this earth anymore. I never knew these words came from such a dark place in my heart, a result of the feeling of rejection and loneliness. As I progressed in age, it continued to bother me internally, but it was not until my 5th grade year that I changed everything about me. I felt it was time to fit-in with my peers so I would not have to feel this pain anymore. I kept one of my few friends, but I began hanging around the well-liked kids despite of the teasing and criticizing. I allowed their words to change my style, changing my hair and acting the way they acted. The act worked for a very long time, and I was so happy to finally fit-in with the kids that bullied me.
That decision, however, changed my relationship with my family and God. I pulled away and did not listen to them because I finally had the friends I always wanted. I thought everything was going great until one of the them gave me a pill to take. She said it was a cool thing to do and it would make me feel good. However, I was so nervous. I had never done anything like that before, and I knew my family would be very disappointed in me. At that time, they still did not know about the bullying. They just knew that I was acting out and not myself. It was the pressure of taking the pill that made me realize that I had been putting on a mask for the kids. I wanted so bad to be their friend, but they were the ones hurting me.
Strangely enough, that decision made my 5th grade school year the most depressing year of my life. I let others influence and control everything I did. I was lying to my parents and family, and we were not as close as we are now. I was angry inside on a daily basis. I realized it was because I could not be myself around the people at school. It was extremely hard to keep up that façade, but being pressured to take the pill was the breaking point.
At that point, I made the decision to not pretend anymore. I refused to take that pill, and I pulled away from those individuals I called friends. I made the decision to always be myself, and to always keep God first in my life. That year helped me to become a better person, and become the confident young lady my parents raised me to be.
As I think back, I wish I would have told my parents from the beginning. I felt unvalued, unappreciated, and neglected, and I carried that feeling of rejection for several years. I learned to love and accept me for who I was, and grew to understand that I am more than what others say about me. It was time for me to heal from within.
I often think about those years because bullying is more than just words, and it brings others down to their lowest point. Bullying is a major problem, especially for the youth. It makes individuals feel alone, and some harm themselves as a result of bullying. With this story, I want anyone who experiences bullying to know that it can happen to any of us, and that we are not alone. I want my story to be a voice for others, to make everyone even more aware of this serious issue, and to educate. Bullying is an issue that can end many lives, and we must not allow this to happen anymore.
From my bullying experience, I hope to help others understand that they are valued, appreciated, and not neglected. If anyone feels bullied, do not be afraid or scared to share your story. Seek someone that you are comfortable with and tell them what you've been going through. Let it be a person that you can talk to about being bullied and can help you get to a happy place. I also want all to know we are beautiful, and we must ignore anyone who says otherwise.
As time passed, it was difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror, because I did not feel pretty or beautiful. I thought more and more about not wanting to be on this earth anymore. I never knew these words came from such a dark place in my heart, a result of the feeling of rejection and loneliness. As I progressed in age, it continued to bother me internally, but it was not until my 5th grade year that I changed everything about me. I felt it was time to fit-in with my peers so I would not have to feel this pain anymore. I kept one of my few friends, but I began hanging around the well-liked kids despite of the teasing and criticizing. I allowed their words to change my style, changing my hair and acting the way they acted. The act worked for a very long time, and I was so happy to finally fit-in with the kids that bullied me.
That decision, however, changed my relationship with my family and God. I pulled away and did not listen to them because I finally had the friends I always wanted. I thought everything was going great until one of the them gave me a pill to take. She said it was a cool thing to do and it would make me feel good. However, I was so nervous. I had never done anything like that before, and I knew my family would be very disappointed in me. At that time, they still did not know about the bullying. They just knew that I was acting out and not myself. It was the pressure of taking the pill that made me realize that I had been putting on a mask for the kids. I wanted so bad to be their friend, but they were the ones hurting me.
Strangely enough, that decision made my 5th grade school year the most depressing year of my life. I let others influence and control everything I did. I was lying to my parents and family, and we were not as close as we are now. I was angry inside on a daily basis. I realized it was because I could not be myself around the people at school. It was extremely hard to keep up that façade, but being pressured to take the pill was the breaking point.
At that point, I made the decision to not pretend anymore. I refused to take that pill, and I pulled away from those individuals I called friends. I made the decision to always be myself, and to always keep God first in my life. That year helped me to become a better person, and become the confident young lady my parents raised me to be.
As I think back, I wish I would have told my parents from the beginning. I felt unvalued, unappreciated, and neglected, and I carried that feeling of rejection for several years. I learned to love and accept me for who I was, and grew to understand that I am more than what others say about me. It was time for me to heal from within.
I often think about those years because bullying is more than just words, and it brings others down to their lowest point. Bullying is a major problem, especially for the youth. It makes individuals feel alone, and some harm themselves as a result of bullying. With this story, I want anyone who experiences bullying to know that it can happen to any of us, and that we are not alone. I want my story to be a voice for others, to make everyone even more aware of this serious issue, and to educate. Bullying is an issue that can end many lives, and we must not allow this to happen anymore.
From my bullying experience, I hope to help others understand that they are valued, appreciated, and not neglected. If anyone feels bullied, do not be afraid or scared to share your story. Seek someone that you are comfortable with and tell them what you've been going through. Let it be a person that you can talk to about being bullied and can help you get to a happy place. I also want all to know we are beautiful, and we must ignore anyone who says otherwise.